Sometimes it’s hard to see ourselves through the eyes of those with whom we interact. As moms, doing everything all the time feels natural more than obligatory, so when we have a misstep or can’t find time to do something we think of it as a bigger deal than it often is.
These 10 questions should help you get a rough estimate as to how you see yourself.
1. I avoid trying things at which I think might not succeed:
- Most of the time
- Hardly ever or never
2. When I’m complimented, I feel:
- Uncomfortable, but I am able to accept compliments.
- Almost completely unable to accept it — I often think people are not telling the truth when they compliment me
3. I procrastinate because I am worried about not doing the task well enough:
- Hardly ever
4. Does this describe you? As a child, I wouldn’t raise my hand in class even if I thought I knew the answer. As an adult, I keep quiet even if I have something worthwhile to share.
5. I’ve been told I am my own harshest critic:
- Once or twice
- Several times
6. I feel insecure when comparing myself to the looks, brains or accomplishments of others:
- Hardly ever
7. I generally:
- Like the clothes I wear every day
- Don’t have strong feelings about my clothes; they are just there to cover me
- Feel unattractive in my clothes
8. I go along with the decisions of others in order to keep the peace:
- Sometimes; I don’t feel comfortable when I give my opinion, but I am still able to give some opinions if I feel there is a better way
- Never; I am always happy to give my opinions and participate in decision-making
- Yes; I am afraid to offend others by giving my opinion
9. I remember the negative things people have said about me more than the positive things:
- Much more easily; what positives?
- Sometimes, but it’s easier to call up negatives
- Never; I focus on the positives and don’t dwell on criticisms
10. I feel ______________ in my body:
- At ease
- Very uncomfortable
- OK sometimes
Add up Your Score
1: a. 5 | b. 1 | c. 3
2: a. 1 | b. 3 | c. 5
3: a. 3 | b. 1 | c. 5
4: a. 5 | b. 1 | c. 3
5: a. 3 | b. 1 | c. 5
6: a. 3 | b. 5 | c. 1
7: a. 1 | b. 3 | c .5
8: a. 3 | b. 1 | c. 5
9: a. 5 | b. 3 | c. 1
10: a. 1 | b. 5 | c. 3
Now look at your score. Find the number that occurs the most and read on to see what that says about you.
Mostly Ones (Total Less Than 20)
Your view of yourself is probably consistent with the way others see you. You have a positive and healthy self-esteem and are not overly critical of yourself.
Mostly Threes (Total between 20 and 39)
You are on the cusp here. Sometimes you feel adequate and not “less than” others, but you do occasionally have times you feel down. Take a second and truly evaluate what you do for those around you.
Mostly Fives (Total More Than 40)
You tend to judge yourself harshly against others and may find yourself dwelling on criticism. You spend a lot of time comparing yourself to others and finding yourself wanting. You may also tend to pass up on doing things because you are scared of not succeeding. Being your own harshest critic can lead to a warped perspective of yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror and remind yourself how much you truly do.
How to Boost Your Self-Esteem
Overly negative self-perceptions can add up to overall low self-esteem. If you can’t seem to get over it, try consulting with a doctor, as it may be useful in trying to improve the way you feel.
Remember, this quiz is just a quiz and shouldn’t be taken as a diagnosis! But if you feel like you can get yourself back on track, start a collection of compliments given to you by others in a little book. Anything affirming, approving or admiring can be written in the book. It is then available as a resource for you to look at when you are feeling bad about yourself.